Proverbs 31 Woman

I have been doing a 31 day challenge to read Proverbs chapter 31 everyday for 31 days. This challenge is presented by Nancy Leigh DeMoss at http://www.reviveourhearts.com/. Each day, her website emails me a new discussion as we work through the verses of Proverbs 31. It is so good and so appropriate for healing my marriage and showing me the areas I need to work on.

It is too easy to get in the mindset of retribution - meaning my husband has to constantly be punished and make amends for what he has done. This line of thinking is completely wrong and unbiblical. I have said it before and will say it again, just because my husband has sinned does not give me the right to sin in response to his actions. I have to take responsibility for my own actions and responses daily.

One thing I have learned and felt very convicted about is Proverbs 31:12 "She brings him good and not evil all the days of her life." One of the themes discussed by Nancy Leigh DeMoss is that this verse does not say, "She does him good and not evil as long as he does her good - as long as he is kind to her, as long as he remembers her birthdays and anniversaries, as long as he meets her needs". This reminded me that I am to do good to my husband regardless of how he responds to me. I am called to love him and serve him unconditionally and for his good. This does not mean I am to be a doormat or allow him to do things contrary to God's way but I am his helper and I am to be faithful & loyal in my commitment to him.

Some would be quick to point out that my husband broke his marriage vows to me not the other way around. My response to them is I can only focus on me and live my life according to God's standard to the best of my ability through the leading of the Holy Spirit. This is not something I can do on my own, but through Christ, I can overcome the hurt, anger and sadness. I honestly believe that if I do these things then it will only make my marriage stronger and make my husband an even better man.

The other area I felt conviction is regarding my commitment to my marriage. In this discussion, Nancy Leigh DeMoss asks a very important questions, "Have you totally eliminated the D-word, divorce, from your vocabulary?" The answer in my case is no. I tend to pull out this arsenal when I am feeling the deepest pain and emotions. She goes on to tell us that we cannot be a Proverbs 31 woman if divorce is still in our vocabulary. From this point on I am removing that word from my bag of weapons.

This has been a great challenge so far and it has encouraged me to focus on myself rather than on my husband. I am grateful for the things God is revealing to me so that I can grow and change according to His Will.

Take Back Our Marriages

It is time to take back our marriages! It is time to fight the good fight and restore what has been lost! It is time for radical changes in our marriages and in our personal life!

Everyday I hear about another marriage being torn apart by infidelity, abuse, addictions, selfishness, mid-life crisis, stupidity, anger, incompatibility and well, you get the picture. The trend seems to be an endless list of excuses of why this marriage cannot survive. Because we live in a self serving, all about me society, it's no wonder marriages are failing everywhere. No one is immune to the trend, especially Christians.

As a parent, I ask myself, what values and ideals am I teaching my children about marriage and about life. Am I demonstrating that marriage is a commitment for life? Am I teaching my children to honor their commitments with a happy heart regardless of their feelings? Am I teaching them through my actions to face their struggles head on and persevere or am I teaching them to give up when it seems easier? I believe radical change won't take place until we as parents start to live out our convictions and our beliefs and show our children what a Godly marriage is all about. It starts in our home and it's our duty to know God's Word and to live it out to the best of our ability.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all marriages can be saved. I do believe that God can restore the unimaginable and that He can make the impossible happen. Sometimes, for whatever reason, a marriage has no other option but to end. My point is that we as individuals need to do our part in honoring our commitment and living according to God's Word. Too often we twist and turn the Word of God to suit our needs and desires instead of changing our desires to align with God's Word. We need to be obedient regardless of our situation and regardless of how we feel.

I have been very convicted this weekend of giving in to my emotions and distress instead of doing what I know is right in God's eyes. I have to release these emotions to God and stop dwelling on the negative over and over again. It is a vicious cycle and it needs to stop. I hope you are convicted and committed to obedience every time. God will bless those who are obedient.

Romans 5:19 NET "For just as through the disobedience of the one man many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of one man many will be made righteous."

Emotional Explosions

Well, my emotions have taken control this week. I'm not sure where or when the breakdown occurred but all I know is that for the past couple of weeks I have slowly allowed myself to lesson the hold on my emotions. At first, I'm not even aware this is happening but each day, little by little, my emotions start to seep out. Honestly, what's the big deal? So what if I'm feeling a bit emotional? After all I have been through this past year and half, don't I have a right to feel sad, angry, betrayed, disgusted, annoyed, bitter, resentful, hateful.... do you see the pattern...once my emotions are without restraint, the longer the list, the harder to handle, the easier to justify my own sinful actions.

I keep hearing the soft, gentle voice of my beloved Father, who constantly reminds me to be gentle in spirit, forgiving and merciful - to tame my tongue and to focus on that which is true & noble. Lord, how difficult it is to surrender to you instead of to my own selfish desires! Do I really feel better after giving my husband a tongue lashing? Am I really entitled to an emotional explosion whenever I "feel" like it? The answer of course is NO!

I wish I had an emotional remote control where I could mute my emotions so others couldn't hear it or I could adjust the "color" of my emotions to a more healthy outlet, or when it gets really ugly, I could just turn it off. Thankfully, I know in my heart that God is pruning me and changing me from the inside out. No matter what has happened to me or what I have experienced, it does not give me the "right" to unleash an emotional beast. God has called me and every Christian to a much higher standard whether we feel like participating or not. As women, we tend to be emotional and if we are not careful these emotions will cause us to sin. In the mist of our emotional explosions we not only hurt ourselves but everyone around us as well. Do I really want to be known as an emotional bomb waiting to detonate? Is this the best example of Christ I have for my children and my husband?

I have discovered this week that pride plays a big part in my emotional outbursts. My pride is wounded and for some reason it has decided to fester and ooze big time this week. I know the ointment and cure is the Word of God. I need to lay my pride at the feet of Jesus.

Living Life

Sometimes I feel so inadequate in everything I do. I guess it's kind of normal to feel this way and what I'm discovering is that more and more people I talk to have the same insecurities and feelings that I have. I don't know why I tend to think everyone else is more confident and secure in who they are and where they are. The reality is that most of us struggle with feelings of self doubt or insecurities and it's basically pointless to compare myself to anyone else.

As I float down this river of life I ponder what's around the bend. Will it be calm waters or roaring rapids? Will I be afraid or will I be exhilarated by the challenges up ahead? Will the waters be cold and invigorating or warm and comforting? I picture myself paddling down the river of life, smiling that I'm no longer where I was, eager to know where I'm going but content with where I am.

If I take it a step further, I want to be that girl who jumps in without hesitation, who tries new things without worry, and who trusts that the journey is more important than the destination. Live life to the fullest. Experience new things. Enjoy the life God gave me.

All is well...

My husband has officially been without a job for about a month now. He was one of the many laid off at the end of Feb. I'm kind of getting used to him being home and taking care of the little things. He does a great job purposefully planning his day and diligently looking for work. He has been able to spend a lot of time with our girls and they absolutely love it!

I've been worried about how I would handle him being home every day by himself. Thankfully, he tries hard to keep me posted on his agenda and he is easily accessible via phone. He has had to take a couple of pictures and email to me on the spur of the moment just to ensure he's doing what he says he is. Overall, this hiatus has been a welcomed event since he has worked long, crazy hours for as long as I can remember. I am eager for him to find a great job but I'm enjoying the transition in the meantime.

Things are fairly calm around our home and for that I am extremely grateful. I pray regularly that God will continue to strengthen our marriage and to transform our hearts. I pray for a hedge of protection around my husband and that he will continue to mature in his faith and lead our family. God has done so many amazing things in both of our lives.

Godly Focus

I am doing a Bible Study on the book "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I read this book several years ago in another Bible study so it's very interesting to read the answers I wrote back then compared to where I am today. Our group met last night and I have to express my heavy heart. Satan is at full work doing his best to destroy our marriages and destroy our faith in Jesus. I am concerned that even though we call ourselves Christians and try to follow Christ, our thoughts are not aligned with His.

After meeting last night I felt very convicted for not stopping some of the "husband bashing" and reminding all of us of what the Bible says and what Jesus calls us to do. We are not to conform to the thinking of this world but are to be set apart as aliens in this world. Yes, our marriage or situation may not be ideal but God is in control and never allows anything to happen in which He is not aware. In the midst of trials we are to keep our focus on God and it is so important to devote time to reading the Bible and praying continuously. I was convicted of how easy it is to get off track and begin the "entitlement rage". The truth is life is not fair and marriage and life in general is a lot of work.

I've learned so much through this process with my husband and one of my greatest struggles is accepting the past for what it is and choosing to move forward and heal. Some days I'm very good at doing this and other days I fall short. Every time I start to waiver, it's almost always because I'm not connecting or meeting with God. For some people this would seem silly or oversimplified but it's the truth. When we sever our connection with God (or throw a lot of static on the line) we tend to lose our focus and begin the "What if" or the "Poor me" game. We begin to focus on everyone else's faults instead of looking inward to our attitudes, our thoughts and our responses.

God can heal us if we surrender to Him. God will never allow our troubles to go to waste. It's important to look inward to discover what God wants to do in our hearts. He is always working and we can choose to participate willingly or choose to rebel and sit on the sidelines. Trust God to bring you through this and I promise, He will not let you down. You'll be amazed at the works of His hand.

Little Blessings

It's been a while since I've posted anything so I thought I better get on the ball. I had a great week last week. The girls were on spring break and my husband's brother's family was in town for a visit. It was so good to see them. The timing was perfect since our girls were out of school and were able to spend a lot of good quality time with their cousins. They left on Thurs and my youngest is still sad they had to leave. I thoroughly enjoyed our visit and I know my hubby did too!

It was funny because we had 9 people at our house for just under a week and then Thurs morning 5 left to go back to Indiana and then my husband left to go on a golf trip. My oldest daughter ended up going to the lake with a friend so it left just me and my youngest to come home to a very quiet house Thurs evening! It was very strange to have just the two of us and no one else.

I have to confess, I was not overly excited about my husband going on this golf trip. It's an annual event but he has not attended for a couple of years. This is the first time we have been apart since I found out. He used to act out when he was away from his family so this is truly a test for both of us. Anyway, I am doing surprisingly well the last few days. I started to have some anxiety Thurs night but I pulled myself together.

I talked to my husband Friday afternoon and he didn't sound very good. I asked if he was coming down with a cold and he told me no but he had something to tell me. At that moment, I felt sick to my stomach. Then, he told me, he had lost his wedding ring! He normally puts it in his wallet and then in his golf bag. Somehow, it must have fallen out when he bought lunch or snacks and so far, he has not been able to find it. He was very upset and was very nervous about telling me. It seems so ironic and funny that he would lose his wedding ring on his first trip away from me. I'm upset that he lost it for sentimental reasons but I'm not upset with him. I think this is a big step for me and I appreciate his honestly. I pray he finds it or someone turns it in at the golf course. It's a beautiful ring that we had custom made and there is no way to replace it.

I told my mom what had happened and she said, "Well, look at the positive, at least you still have your husband and it was just a ring that was lost. It could have been something much worse." You know what, she is so right. I am lucky and blessed to be where I am and I look forward to my husband's return.